LAST BLOG

LAST BLOG

Dear friends, I’ve been experiencing one of those unexpected life transitions.  Although I will always be interested in helping others through my relationship coaching, how I do that is changing.  And some other interests have been added. I re-furnished my studio as a vacation stay location listed on Airbnb.com, VRBO.com and TripAdvisor.com.  This week I have a guest from China arriving!  And, without being sure how this will turn out, a few months ago I became turned on by buying cheap tables and chairs from Salvation Army and painting them brilliant colors.  I’ve had so many people tell me how beautiful and peaceful my backyard is.  So I’m opening my yard as a venue for birthday parties, showers, small weddings, family reunions, etc....

Shushing Helga

Shushing Helga

Are you feeling overworked? Exhausted? Fantasizing about a tropical vacation?  Maybe the root cause is a critical voice in your head that has too much executive power, driving you to extreme levels of people-pleasing and achievement that you would see as unreasonable and even abusive if coming from another person! I call that overly critical voice Helga.  (My apologies for any readers named Helga!)  I see her as a barrel chested Amazon in a prison guard uniform.  She’s very authoritative and bossy.  She is so sure of herself, and for many years she thoroughly convinced me that she was always RIGHT. But now I’m on to her!  She makes a useful servant.  She reminds me to brush my teeth, balance the checkbook and feed the dogs.  But she’s terrible at things like...

Update: A Failure?

Update: A Failure?

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me.   I’ve been suffering from very low energy, and then a bout with the shingles virus, consumed with anxiety about some big decisions…and, truthfully, afraid of writing about where I was at. At the beginning of this year I took a giant, vulnerable leap and shared with you my intention to “heal” (read: get over) my addiction to food.  I thought by now I’d have let go of a minimum of 40 pounds, and be reporting one of those annoying weight loss success stories.  It hasn’t gone the way I planned. (I know blogs are supposed to be short, but I hope you’ll stay with me here.  If you’ve struggled with any behavior you want to change, you may find something here to stimulate new thinking!) First I tried several “proven”...

My Unique Journey

My Unique Journey

From birth we all have multiple voices telling us how to be, what to do, what is expected, and the deadly, what is “normal.”  Our parents, our siblings, our teachers, our culture…all contribute to the cacophony of noise from which we are to piece together a life that is pleasing, that works, that makes us acceptable, lovable, successful, and “normal.” For a most of my life, in one way or another, I have felt the pain of not being “normal.”  I’ve done my best to look and act in ways that have been acceptable, but inside, I have judged myself as being wrong, out of step, bad, crazy and “different.”  It was confusing, because I also saw myself as smart, adventurous, independent, brave, willing to think for myself and creative. The trajectory of my life was first...

An Imperfectly Perfect Life

An Imperfectly Perfect Life

My imperfections have been abundantly documented.  Just last week I believed it was Wednesday when it was really Thursday.  It wasn’t until the next morning when I realized it was Friday that I knew I’d completely missed Thursday and an important appointment.  A few days ago it was pointed out that I’d printed in a newsletter an event on “Wednesday, May 15,” when Wednesday was May 13.  Was the event on Wednesday or May 15?  And these are examples of relatively minor imperfections that had relatively minor consequences. But the whole idea of imperfections raises the question of what about me, or my life, is imperfect?  How do I know? And, even more, why does it matter? What is to be gained by focusing on what I may consider my imperfections, or mistakes, or...

What, Not How!

What, Not How!

You may have noticed a theme lately in my blogs and newsletters.  It revolves around the idea that our thoughts create our reality, or how important our beliefs are, and the power of a clear intention.  Last month in the newsletter I told how the clear intention of finding help for my failing marriage to Jim eventually brought us the help we needed and, as a bonus, gave me the means to fulfill my lifelong dream of writing books to help people have more loving relationships. That example illustrates a concept I’ve heard from many self-help gurus as well as spiritual leaders: the WHAT comes before the HOW.  It is foundational…essential… that we decide WHAT we intend to have happen before the means arrives to show us HOW it will happen.  And wishing for...

Do You Really Mean It?

Do You Really Mean It?

At the beginning of 2014 I set a very strong intention to heal my addiction to food.  This time it was not a vague wish that evaporated with the first chance to feast on favorite Mexican food or munch on a bunch of cookies.   And, this time, my intention was stated with more mature acceptance that I would never be perfect at anything, especially my eating habits, and would need to practice frequent self-compassion. I believe that God, or the Universe if you prefer, heard my declaration that I was going to heal my addiction to food and asked, “Do you really mean it?”  Or even, “Do you really mean it this time?”  Then surprises began to occur that, at first glance, had little to do with food or eating. Looking back, I believe I was guided through several...